Same Shit Revisited

Last week, after I had already discussed the security force with the slack jawed moron who is constantly chipper for some reason, I had to head back to the post office. I expected the usual. Step in line. Show ID. Remove all items from pockets. Put everything on conveyor. Walk through metal detector. "HUH HUH HOW YA DOIN' TODAY, BUDDY?! HUH HUH" Grab my shit and go. Not this time. This time I was treated not once but three times with the rent-a-dicks telling anyone who was within earshot about their adventures.

As I was waiting in line I hear the ID check guy tell people at the front of the line, "Yeah, we had a major bust today." Ok, so now I'm intrigued. Having seen the way they swoop in like an episode of Cops when someone forgets to leave their Swiss Army knife in the car, I figured they were gonna blow this out of proportion. "Yeah, we caught this guy trying to bring ecstasy pills in here! Can ya believe it? So we cuffed the guy and we're holding him until the police get here. They'll be real happy we took this scumbag off the streets."

I had to hear this story two more times and all being told through shit eating grins. They thought they were the big dicks that day and just kept talking about how happy the police were gonna be. It was the same glee and giddyness when a kid makes something in kindergarten for their mom. So proud. A big stupid, "LOOK WHAT I DID" smile.

The only upside was that Special Agent Gomer Pyle wasn't there to greet me once I passed the metal detector. I don't even think he would have remembered to ask me a question. Most of the mental activity going on in their brains at this moment was to send more blood to the hard-on they had for being like real police.

Once I was done with the mail I had to walk out and my path goes right in front of their "command center". Sitting inside with three guards surrounding him, hands cuffed behind his back, was a guy probably in his early 40s. He had glasses, was balding and was skinny. He kind of looked like the dad from Alf. He looked calm. He wasn't slouching but sitting as if it was just a part of every day life. The morons around him still had big, toothy, ear to ear smiles they couldn't wipe off their faces. I was happy the guy still had his dignity and a right mind to not give these fuckers what they wanted. Fear. There wasn't even a hint of it. Who knows? Maybe he was high and that's why but at least he didn't give them what they wanted.